In this autobiographical reflection among describing real events I have used pseudonyms for each individual I’m not well acquainted with, but know. Please be advised.
When I was in grade nine I had always been a skeptical teenager, each day just seemed like an endless pit of doom. Every time I turned the corner, there appeared a fresh face that happened to despise me for allegations that weren’t true. Eventually among the mounds of hate and discouragement my smiles pulverized into ash, and had not requested embracement. A new day was never out of the ordinary, it followed the basic principle of hateful eyes and cruelty, all I ever looked forward to was its end. As soon as the final bell rang, I assumed that I headed out the door first, considering the fact that I “anticipated it more”. Yet there were already some in front of me, which made my usually comfortable bus ride, a bit uneasy. I entered the bus with a distorted sense of peace to discover a particular group of boys, whom “disliked me the most”, heading towards the bus. Oh believe me when I say I prayed, I prayed, I prayed, I prayed, for them not to make the bus yet somehow they managed to fit in. And just to add the icing on top of the cake, the driver decided to open the back doors for them, placing them no further than an inch away from my face. I still remember the shock that came over me to have them stand so close, in school my main objective was to avoid them, I’d missed certain classes to avoid them, and in a split second I was put in the position to face them literally. I almost cried, wide-eyed and teary I was caught by one of them, and I could not help but turn away. Almost immediately with his eyes still examining me Ian spoke loudly, “Hey guys let’s tell jokes!” Matthew intrigued of the idea had gone off to tell a joke, it almost seemed as though Ian was disappointed yet he listened patiently until he finished. I on the other hand was too anxious to pay attention as to what they were talking about; my motive was to get off the bus in one piece without shedding tears. As soon as Matthew finished telling his joke, Brian finally opened the floor for Ian to tell the joke he had desperately demanded to tell prior to Matthew’s intrusion. Ian stood still for a while before he started, yet his joke unlike Matthew’s wasn’t hard to miss. (I call it ‘The Purple House’ for obvious reasons, and let’s say the joke is not necessarily its content).
Ian: There once was a purple house…okay, it was a purple house. (He examines me, and I looked him directly in his eyes, after giving him acknowledgement, he slightly nodded his head down then up, and continued.) It was a purple house, (he turned to Brian and Matthew) it was a purple house (then he turned back to look at me), it was a purple house…
Brian: (Interrupted him suddenly), MAN WE GET IT, IT WAS A PURPLE HOUSE!
Ian: (Looked at Brian quickly, and then had turned back to face me)… It was a purple house…
I could not help but giggle, but it was so hard not to recognize the tension between him and his friends. I tried then to divert my attention to something else, and I recall thinking exactly this; ‘let’s think of something else, oh the sky is blue, it’s blue, blue, the sky is blue. Oh no, I’m repeating a color (giggles); STOP EAVESDROPPING, STOP IT! IF THEY HEAR YOU LAUGHING IT WILL JUST CREATE PROBLEMS, SHUSH!’ I turned in a different direction only to hear Ian’s voice increase in volume.
Ian: So everything in the house is purple!
Brian: Man he’s not going to finish before we get to Sheppard!
Ian: Okay, (laughs), it’s a purple house, everything in the house is purple, and this house crashes, what color is the steam?
Matthew: (Enthusiastically), PURPLE?
Brian: (Seriously annoyed), There is no steam…
Ian: (Laughs), Okay, okay, where does the steam come from?
A question to which I naturally assumed the answer was, ‘nowhere’, as I finished that thought Matthew responded by saying, “THE CHIMNEY!” And again I think, ‘well, the house crashes, so…um, hmm?’ To which Brian stated to Matthew, “THE HOU-SE CR-AS-HES”. Ian continued devotedly, “OKAY, SO WHERE DOES THE STEAM COME FROM?”
Brian: (Sarcastically), nowhere.
Ian instantly broke out into laughter, he just couldn’t help himself. I was amused by the staggered expressions on his friends’ faces, and his random reaction, that even I broke out into laughter. Suddenly Ian had about enough and he had lifted himself up, to hear Brian say, “Man, that wasn’t funny!”
Ian: yeah, I know, (wiping his tear), but Matthew had already told my joke so I said the same one, just using a house, and a different color!”
As soon as he finished, I just continued laughing throughout the entire bus ride.
The reason why this memory is vividly memorized is because it continuously plays over in my head, especially on those days I feel extremely low. Until that moment I hadn’t realized how much I was missing out on by holding in the grudges, the hurt, and my doubtfulness in others and in myself. It was just another weight I just threw on myself, I was so carried away with everything that bothered me I hadn’t realized the little things that eventually builds itself to greater happiness. Smiles and laughter should be embraced and requested, it’s always the best fix for any situation.
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