Trading Love

Fell in love again

Just found out that

He might belong to someone else

And instead of getting in a fit of tears

I’m extremely exhausted

To have an expression

To truly react to how I’m really feeling

Because losing track of love is normal for me

I mean I’m in my world of dreams

Hiding from a shattered past

To notice that I’m losing my hand in hand

Slapped by the reality of his exit

And it’s so easy to blame myself

That it’s difficult for me to interoperate

His fail sense of understanding

And I continue to wither with defeat

Of my irresponsible control of what now is

My overriding senseless emotions

All seeking to come through

And it uses up all the energy in my nerves

And so yeah,  I’m ex-haus-ted ,

Slightly faint and naive,

I just wish I can trade love

For anything that doesn’t involve any more feelings

Creeping under my skin paralysing me

Before I start thinking

Of a proper way to comprehend when love became so useless

Because it’s easy for me to think of a another way to leave

My future would just be

Me my-self, and I—

And if needed be –for someone to carry my legacy,

There’s always the potential of a test tube baby

 because

I’m afraid to open my heart again

To be rendered in the hands of failure

So yeah, when did love become a perpetrator

That I need a restraining order

From?